Learning that your spouse or significant other is addicted to pornography may be the most immense feeling of betrayal that you experience in your life. It is a moment that has the power to taint every sweet and intimate memory the two of you share. You may react with anger, shock, shame, heartbreak, or a combination of these. Desert Solace is here to help you approach your spouse about their pornography addiction.
First, allow us to impress upon you that your spouse’s addiction was in no means your fault. Regardless of the state of your intimate life, your spouse turned to pornography out of free will. Your apologies and self-loathing can’t undo the damage of their choices.
At some point, you will inevitably feel anger toward your spouse. It may occur instantly or after the initial shock has worn away. You may feel the urge to scream, to throw them out of your home, or to pack your belongings and children and leave. Your choice to separate from your spouse is a personal one that you are free to make without shame. If you choose to stay and address your spouse’s addiction, we urge you to do so with thoughts of love and empathy, even if those feelings seem forced. Your spouse will be more forthright and honest if they don’t feel attacked.
It’s okay to ask your spouse for details of their addiction. You need to know what you’re facing, and they need to speak freely of the habits, thoughts, and temptations that have threatened your relationship. Though the details may be hard to hear, they will help the two of you better understand one another. If you can help your spouse to realize that this addiction will not break your marriage forever, they may be more willing to seek professional help and healing.
Impress upon your spouse that even though their addiction has hurt you, they still have your support in dealing with the consequences. Be involved in considering treatment options, and do your best to encourage them through each phase of treatment.
You are always welcome to contact us here at Desert Solace to enroll your spouse in our addiction recovery program in St. George, Utah, and to learn more about your options for dealing with their addiction. Please call 435-817-1351 to connect with us today.